Thursday, December 31, 2009

concludes 2009~

finally, the year 2009 has come to an end
a lot things happened this year
yet, I can't really recall much of them actually

on this last day of 2009
received a very bad news

bad enough to spoil my first half of 2010
bad enough to broke me into pieces once again

I still don't know the truth about that news I received
but I certainly hope it's not real

anyway, about year 2009
well, life goes quite smooth in Aussie

my results aren't improving much
but at least staying at the level in my expectation

knew some more friends in uni
which make my life in Aussie aren't that bored anymore
but still, bored.. (duhh~~)

so what makes up my year 2009?
I would say it's a person

not one of my friends, not one of my family members
it's a special person I never thought I would have to chance to met

so perfect that I thought I fell in love with an angel
so many memories that I am not going to let it stay in 2009

instead, I'm going to bring those memories
leaping into year 2010, and so on, till the end of my life

this person made my 2009 so special
that I'm sure I am not going to forget this best year of mine
for the rest of my life

in the beginning, things were so great
although, things didn't went smooth for both of us
but still, those tears and laughter will stay with me
as a part of my sweetest memories that I will cherish

in 2010, my promise to you in 2009 still counts and still available
I'm going to repeat again now

I don't dare to hope for anything in return now
but at least when you meet any problems, are feeling not good
I'm always here for you

remember, when you need me
do not ask for permission, just hold my hands tight
cause I will let go of whatever I'm holding at that moment
to grab hold of your hands, and then never letting it go

well, this is the relationship part
there's more happenings in this year
but only this is important enough to be mentioned here

then about friendship
well, still the same old friends of course
Xii, Chee Wah, Bolo and Rue
thanks a lot for all your supports and companionship this year
thanks a lot for listening to me when I need someone to talk to
thanks a lot for being considerate and encouraging

it's the end of 2009
but I'm sure that our friendship ain't going to end
not in 2010, not in the following years either
It's going to stay forever

and now my family
well, thanks a lot to them of course
they've been working so hard to earn money
so this son of them can study overseas and have not much to worry about

appreciate everything, I never said it
cause well, as you all know, I'm not good at talking these sexy words
luckily I can still type and write well, pheeww..

well then
few hours later, it's time to say goodbye to the year 2009
and a big big HELLO to year 2010


















so, all the best to my friends, family, all the loved ones
stay happy in the new year, and I'll always love you all so much!! ^^

Happy New Year 2010!!!

以下是小小的一段话
自己写的,想送给那个重要的人:

我从来不曾计算我们在一起过了多少天
因为这样我们之间的爱情好像有个期限
我曾经相信我们之间的感情会是永远的

我从来不曾计算我们分开来过了多少天
因为这样我会觉得我离开你越来越遥远
我其实根本一刻都不会愿意让你离开我

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

stepping forward~

so long had I been waiting for
so long had I been desperate for your love

we've both been so good and sweet before
how could you just drop everything down so easily?

what are all those sweet memories to you?
rubbish? or just a bunch of nonsense?

I don't know why, and I don't understand why
but I just can't get you out of my mind

so disappointed when I knew that you can easily let go everything
3 months of love and care, means nothing to you

I don't look good, I don't have much confident on myself
but I got full confident that I can love you as long as I am alive

but you never bother to know what my heart says
you never bother to know who is the me deep down inside already

it's all about appearance
no more soul stuffs

this is a world full of reality
and it's time to accept the truth

my heart is cold, my mind stopped
there's no more love inside me

even if there really is any
I'm just going to give it to myself

until I met the next one
which might never happened

cause you're too special
cause you're too good to be true

everywhere I go I think of you
every people I met reminds me of you

everything I saw and did never matters
cause you're all over my mind

but up till now
your reaction towards all these makes my heart freeze

you don't want my heart, yet you took it away
and let nobody else have it

I'm drowned in your love
hard to breathe in the world without you

but so what?
I know you aren't coming back to me anymore

I don't pray for miracle
cause I'm too tired to even care about it

but I'm making you another promise
which might be the last one I made for you

if anytime, something happened
and you need me to stay by your side

remember, don't ask me for permission
you don't have to

you'll just take hold of my hands
and I'll let go of everything I'm holding at that moment

just to hold your hand tight
and then never ever let it go again

I'm giving up hope and love
but never ever giving up on you..



Saturday, December 19, 2009

星座~

不知从何时开始
突然开始很相信星座
突然开始很依赖星座

或许失去你的爱
让我茫然,失去方向
在原地打转,找不到出口

所以才指望借由星座
帮我找到继续向前走的方向

I've dreamed about you last night
doing all those thing that I've promised to do with you
TOGETHER

I still remembered how proud and glad I am
when I see you smile like an angel
giving me all the sunshine I need to nourish our love

I cried when I woke up
my heart feels so pain
when I realized all those were just a dream
and the fact is that, I'm losing you

what am I going to do now?
I've lost my way
I've lost the interest to fall deep in love
with somebody else

you've grab all my love away
you've took my whole heart and mind away
you've occupied every single breath of my life
yet, refusing to accept any of it

I miss you so much..















saw a special message yesterday, and would like to share it with everyone:

There is no such thing as conditional love. Love is either unconditional or it's no love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say "I love you because", for love has no cause.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

崩溃后的觉悟~

我不知道你现在对我的感觉是什么
我只想要你知道,我真的很爱你,一直以来都很爱很爱
没有想过要爱第二个人,更没有想过要那么快结束

我不知道你现在的心到底属于谁
我只想要你知道,如果真的有这么一个人
我很妒嫉他,很羡慕他,因为他拥有了世界上最棒的你

我不知道现在能让你笑,给你安全感的那个人是谁
我只想要你知道,我有多想代替他
继续让你灿烂微笑,继续让你感到安全,感到被保护

我不知道你现在是否过得开心
我只想要你知道,只要你过得开心,我至少也不会太难过
因为我的微笑和眼泪,来源都是你

我不知道你是否还愿意陪我去云顶玩
我只想要你知道,我对你做的一切承诺都还在
魔术表演和公仔,还有对你的爱,都还在等着你来领取

我不知道现在该怎么做才能挽回你
我只想要你知道,我愿意付出一切,牺牲一切
只为了换回你对我的信任还有依赖,还有你对我的爱

我知道我自己一直以来都不够好
但是我都在尽最大的能力
让你因为有我而感到光荣

此刻的我很茫然
虽然我知道继续等
或许会等不到任何结果
而自己也更有可能深受伤害

但我不懂为何
我的心再也容不下任何人
我的心给我的方向
就是你,那个我会一直等待着的你

再一次,对不起,但我真的很爱你,也很在乎你
你一定要过的快乐,因为你值得世界上最大的幸福
但我仍然希望,你的那份幸福,是由我来给到的

因为我知道,拥有过你的我
再也不想失去你了

我愿意做出承诺
别人说我这是甘心被爱情捆绑
但我觉得,背你牢牢捆绑住
就是幸福。。













好久没有听到你的声音了
很想念,真的很想念

好想你
我爱你。。

Monday, December 14, 2009

了断~

Status : Single but Unavailable, Waiting for Someone
Status : Single and Available, Ready for Next Relationship

好辛苦
撑不下去了吗?

我受够了
受够你的忽冷忽热
受够你的不理不睬

你说你对我还有感觉
但是我却已经感受不到你对我有任何的爱

连对我说话的语气都变了
没有以前的那种感觉
完完全全没有!

如果说这是重惩罚
我受够了!

我不想再为了一个未知的结局等下去
我之前愿意等
是因为我知道你最终的答案
一定是接受

但现在似乎不是了
我现在对你来说不再重要
你之前对我的依赖感
也彻彻底底没有了

我现在看到的就只有一堆敷衍
我们连朋友都不是

我已经失去信心
对你,对我自己,对我们的感情
失去信任

如果这一切只是为了报复
那你可以停止了
因为你已经赢了!
我现在已经彻底崩溃
我现在已经粉身碎骨

如果我只是你的一个傀儡
那你成功把我控制住了
我现在对你的感觉太深了
就因为这样,现在的我
就好像被千刀刺入心般折磨

如果我只是你有困难的时候
帮助你的人
那你也得到我能给的所有帮助了

这番话
很恶毒
但我现在的思想真的一团糟

我之前不太敢说
因为我一直很坚持,很固执的相信
我们一定还有可能

但现在,我已经完全没有这种信心
我真的很辛苦了

与其继续辛苦下去
倒不如先在了断一切

长痛不如短痛
与其让我踩得更深的时候
才承受是去你的痛苦
倒不如就趁现在让我五雷轰顶
让我一次过崩溃痛苦

但做任何决定之前
我想知道你的想法和感觉
因为现在的我
已经完全猜不透,也看不透了

你不愿意说
也不愿意让我说
我也不懂该怎么办
因为我真的不知道你做所有事情的企图

猜测不了
更不敢猜测
深怕有任何错误
我们的感情就毁了

这件事对我来说太重要
你对我来说太重要
我不想失去你
更不想对这段感情乱抉择

到现在为止
我还是把你放在第一位
我做任何决定
都还是想考虑你
因为,我真的太爱你了

我还是可以等
我更一定会继续爱
但我没有安全感,更没有肯定感

我该等多久?
永远吗?
还是等到见面那一天
如果你不喜欢,就直接拒绝我?

一边等你
一边让你从我指缝中溜走吗?

你之前说
要我给你时间,慢慢接受我
要我等

但打从一开始
我对你来说就已经什么都不是了
是吧?

如果你不想谈爱情
又何必让我等?何必叫我等?
让我像个一厢情愿的傻瓜
像一个白痴般默默等候

现在
谁是骗子了?



















好好的过-戴佩妮 

你还要折磨自己多少天 
失眠这几夜 你都用泪洗脸

你还要崩溃多少天 
别继续深陷 他的泥沼里面

别搞的自己很可怜 
别老想做出那些失去理智的事 很危险

* 失恋算什麽 我曾失恋过
  失恋过的我 还不是这样的过

  寂寞算什麽 我曾寂寞过
  寂寞过的我 还不是这样的过

# 我曾经恨过 曾经哭过 曾被忽略过
  我曾经潦倒过 我曾经迷失过

  我曾经爱过 曾经笑过 曾经快乐过 
  我曾经疯狂过 我曾经拥有过 那就够了

* 失恋算什麽 谁没失恋过
  失恋过的我 要怎样的过

  寂寞算什麽 谁没寂寞过
  寂寞过的我 要自己好好的过
  要好好的过 一定要好好的过 好好的过