Panic~

I'm sorry..
after all these while
these are pretty much the things that I wanted to tell you

I understand why are you staying away from me
and I realized what happen between us is all my fault

but you know what
I might look like I'm laughing and being positive all the time

but deep down
I'm just an insecure guy
who would feel so panic
when I doesn't know what someone I cared about was thinking
that's why I was being all childish and annoying

I've never realized what is the problem within me
until I've done put a lot of thoughts into it recently

I understands everything you said about me
I know what my own problem is

and believe it or not
I'm willing, and trying to change all of it bit by bit

I realized things are going to end between us
and  I know the chance of getting back the old days are so small
but I feel so regret for what I've done

all these while
I've learned so much from you
I've been growing up day by day

but now it's all too late
I wanted a one last chance from you to prove myself
but it doesn't seems like it's going to happen anymore

now your impression towards me
is so broken beyond repair
I don't know what I can do

I'm not even sure there's anything I can do
but I care about you so much
and you mean so much to me

those happy days of chit-chatting we had together was not enough
I'm greedy for more of it, cause I never wanted to say goodbye

I've always prepared myself that we might never talk to each other
but now that it really happens
all I can feel beneath my heart is panic

I'm so freaked out because we might actually never talk again
I'm so scared that in the future
we're back to persons who doesn't know each other anymore

I actually got panicked
don't know what I should do

I'm helpless
yet I'm still doing what I can to let you know
how important you are to me

feelings doesn't just fades away that easily
once it's in our heart, it'll just remains forever

and I'm afraid of that
because I'm going to carry all my feelings towards you
all by my own, alone..

I have no one to share with
I might never heard from you again

this feels like a nightmare to me
something I hope would never happen
something I hope I would never deal with

but then how?
you said you don't care about it anymore
and it breaks my heart so severely

I want you to care
I want you to talk to me like you used to
but how?

it's all falling apart
and all I can taste now is the bitterness in my heart
and the salty taste of tears rolling down my cheek

I feels so bad..
all of this feels so bad..
so bad..
='(