Fear~

I really can't stop thinking about
what would happen between us
after all these assignments you have now

will you stop talking to me at all?
would I only have the chance to hear from you again
when you have some other new assignments next time?

I know these aren't things that I can expect or control
I know I don't have the rights to demand anything

but when the first piece of assignment is almost finished
I suddenly feels the fear that has been hiding deep under my heart

I don't want this to end anymore
at least not after it started again

now I feel like I'm so greedy
suddenly having the thoughts of wanting you to be by my side
for the rest of my life

I actually do not feel good
when I realized that these assignments
are the only thing that bind us together

but I keep convince myself
that all that I'm doing now, is just for you to be happy
despite how I would really feels
and that means even if I have to hurt myself

I'm stepping into a trap
knowing that it's dangerous
I feel like I might got myself full of scars all over again

what can I do to keep an angel along me
when all I ever gave the angel were lies and annoyance

how am I going to promise the angel anything
when I don't even have any courage to say them out anymore
not after all that I've knows within this several months of time

paradox
is all I can tell about my heart in this very moment

I don't know what I actually wanted
I don't know what I actually expect

I just hope for myself to have a chance to love you
and hope for you to be happy for the rest of your life

funny how sarcastic it is
I can make you the happiest person by loving you
but I might also give you lots of unhappiness if I keep loving you

can you tell me how you feel?
and what exactly is in your mind and heart?

a YES
then I'll prove to you how much I would appreciate you
and cherish you like you're the only thing that matters in my life

a NO
then I'll force myself to leave once and for all
and never approach any parts of your life again

sigh
love is confusing..

此刻的心情
除了恐懼，還是恐懼

無限的不安不停襲擊

現在的我好膽怯